I have wanted to start writing several times over the past couple of years, but, every time, it seemed like I couldn’t move forward. I couldn’t decide what to write about, or how to deliver it, or if I was even the right person to deliver it. I felt the same trepidation this morning as I brought my laptop and my 2-year old to Chick-fil-A to try to get something, anything, written down.
“You need to be more disciplined in your spiritual life before you start writing,” said the voice in my head.
“How can you have any wisdom to share with others when you have so much to work on yourself?”
“Maybe when you know the Bible better, or share the gospel more, then you’ll be equipped to write about something, but not right now. You’re not ready.”
As all these doubts and questions ran through my mind on the drive over here, I realized who was behind it all. The devil doesn’t want me to think I can come here and just start writing about God’s goodness and truth. He wants me to believe I need a seminary degree or a journalism background or an internship, or that I’ll just never be good enough. He is terrified of ordinary people who want to be vocal and bold about the Gospel when they have no credentials except that God is calling them, and he is right to be terrified.
Once I called out satan’s lies for what they were (I don’t even capitalize his name because he’s not worth it), I was able to hear more clearly the Truth that is written on my heart, but that I struggle to really believe sometimes. I am ready and equipped because God says I am, because I have His truth to stand on, not my own.
If it weren’t for Him, I wouldn’t be sitting here today with this 2-year old, the “love baby” that my husband and I were blessed with after our marriage was in crisis 4 years ago from an affair that I had. My marriage wouldn’t be healing and thriving, and my life would be empty and without purpose. How can I not tell others what God has done? How can I put it off another month, another year? I can’t, and I don’t have to.
So, I said, “Ok God. I’m at least ready to try. But what do you want me to write about? I have so many doubts and thoughts swimming around in my head and I just can’t…”
“Write about that,” He said. “Write about your fears and doubts, and then write about My peace, My assurance, and My love that conquers them. Write about how I have loved you unconditionally, how I turned your life around and gave you a new life and a new purpose. Write about Me, and you’ll never run out of things to say.”
Yes and Amen.
Like so many figures in the Bible, I feel completely under-qualified for my task; and like them, I am wrong. Not wrong because I’m so incredibly prepared and wise and studied…but wrong because God supplies the material, His Spirit moves our minds and hearts to do His will, and all He wants is a vessel.
Scripture says that cracked and broken vessels are the best for holding God’s light, because it is through the cracks that the light shines through. I don’t know about you, but I have a few cracks in my clay.
Some of us have so many cracks, we’re barely holding together. Rather than trying to patch up those cracks, or cover them up, how about we let God shine through them and share our stories? Share with others who need to know that someone else has been where they are.
So as I sit here with tears running down my face while the other Chick-fil-A moms are wondering what’s the matter with me, I ask you this: What is God calling you to today that you feel unprepared for? Where do you feel under-qualified or afraid of failure?
The world tells us to reach for our goals, to aim high and never settle…but God’s call is not about any of that. It’s so much quieter, yet so much bigger. It’s a loving voice asking you to be a vessel, to let Him write the story, and to have courage to surrender our fears and doubts so that He can blow our minds. And He will, oh you better believe He will.